if all is vanity, then why create a vanity table?

Back to some semi-serious stuff here. But bear with me.

A few posts back, I wrote about how the things of this world don't matter and will all pass away, but what we do for the glory of God and His kingdom are eternal. Then I went and posted on Insta a picture of the vanity area Jake built me. So why the contradiction between my words and my actions? Well, I don't think it's a contradiction exactly. Let me explain.

I've shared a bit about my struggle to maintain good mental health. To be honest, the late winter and early spring of this year were actually pretty dark for me. I was physically sick all the time, which made me not want to go places out of fear, which led to more sickness because of that anxiety. I finally went to see someone, and am on some awesome meds at the moment. But once the medicines got into my system, and I could see a light at the end of the tunnel, I realized that I could put on some big girl panties and help my own self out a little.

So I scheduled a hair appointment (my first professional one in like a super long time) - cut AND color! And eyebrow wax! I started getting my nails done again. And I asked a friend who always looks amazing to teach me how to put on makeup like a grownup (as opposed to my previous middle school-level knowledge).

It's important to note - and I'm asking for your help in keeping me accountable! - that I, nor anyone else, can never ever let outward beauty define us. Not that I think I'm beautiful, but the pursuit of outward beauty can never be my end goal. However, I'm sure almost everyone in my life can tell a huge difference in my moods now.

I also don't ever want to rely solely on medicine for healing. My first step is always to go to the ultimate Physician. He may (as in this case) remind me that He created doctors and their brains for a purpose, and that it's perfectly ok for me to go to those specialists and receive their help. And He may also prompt me (as in this case) to put in a little effort. I have a husband I want to honor; I have a son who is watching me to learn how a godly woman, wife, and mother handles and carries herself; and I serve a God Whom I represent to the world.

So basically, I started spending a little time on my appearance because it helps me feel like a woman, like I'm worth it, because I am. And so are you.

clean 'em off!

I LOVE a clear surface. I really do.

Though I consider myself an aspiring minimalist, there is still SO. MUCH. STUFF. hanging around my house all the time. Recently I went on a Pinterest voyage for all the minimalism task lists I could handle, and began with the easiest to implement.

I went room by room and cleared off each and every surface in that room. I mean tops of dressers/armoires/nightstands, shelves, coffee and end tables, dining table, counters, etc. Every single surface. I completed one room before moving on to the next, and in a matter of a couple of hours, my house felt calmer and like it could breather again.

In each room, I would clear off every surface and place all the items in one central location (my bed, for example). The first thing I looked for was anything that could be thrown away or recycled, and placed those items in their respective bins. Then I tried to find anything that was still usable, but for whatever reason I had not been using lately, and put it in a bag to sell or donate*.

*sidebar here: I have been so guilty of letting things easily pass through me and on to goodwill, but in reality, that's not at all an eco-friendly, sustainable solution. A lot of what we donate gets thrown away by the donation center, and what doesn't sell gets packed up and sold by the pound to developing nations. So not only do we pass our junk on to them, but doing so cripples their local economy. I am trying to commit to using goodwill as my last option for donating, but my first option for purchasing.

The next step I took was to see if any items still remaining could be relocated to some sort of covered storage, like a cabinet. Finally, anything that was left went back on the surface. These items were very few. All lamps stayed on their tables because I hate overhead lighting and love Edison bulbs. Two essential oil diffusers remained, and two I moved to different, less conspicuous or crowded areas.

Y'all, I love this exercise. I probably do it at least once a year. Jake actually walked in and asked if we were moving, so I did put a plant back on the kitchen counter. But other than that, my surfaces are still clear. Beautifully, gloriously clear. And ready to be used for the activities of living rather than simply as dust collecting storage spots.

So I'd love to know: Have you ever tried completely clearing off your surfaces? If you're further along in your minimalist journey, please share some tips! Or, does this sound completely crazy to you?? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

on honoring your husband

Look, if this concept offends you, just skip right on over it. But I do feel that as a Christian woman, part of my duty is to honor my husband, and so I'd like to discuss ways to do that.

I choose to submit to my husband when it comes to decision-making. He is truly a wise man who really thinks things over before speaking on them, so I am fortunate in that respect. I understand many women have husbands who are less mature than they, sometimes exceedingly so. I can't speak to that. I suggest seeking counsel from clergy on how to handle that situation, and I truly am sorry for any in that situation.

I also submit to my husband as the head of my household. There have been times I have reminded baby that Daddy is in charge, then comes me, then comes him. Though children are highly valued members of our families, they are not in charge of our families. God has given that job to husbands. Since Jake is so mature, I am grateful that he has that job, and not me!

I recognize Jake is the primary wage earner, and so take care to spend our money wisely. Jake feels that as long as the bills are paid and we are making financial headway (paying off debt and building up savings), he really doesn't care what I do with our money. As he has entrusted me with allocating our money, I do want to make sure I do a good job - though he is much better with money than anyone I know! I guess I want to make him proud.

I seek to represent him well. After all, I did take his last name! Since we live in a small community from which I do not originate, but he does, then nearly everyone I know knows that I am Jake's wife. So anytime I am seen, whether in public or in our home, I am representing my husband. I do not want to look as though we are a single-income family who homeschools and stays at home a lot - though we are! I want to look well put together, not frumpy. I do this by seeking to dress well, by "putting on my face", and by maintaining a basic hygiene routine. These things also help to ensure I am physically attractive to my husband when he returns home after a long day of working hard. Similarly, I want to make sure our home and son are always presentable, for either expected or unexpected guests, or for Jake's sanity and pleasure when he walks in the door :)

I understand that many of these concepts seem outdated, but I don't believe they are. I believe the Bible is clear that wives are to submit to their husbands, as it is that husbands are to love their wives and lay down their lives for them. I am so grateful that in my marriage, that picture works both ways. I do understand it would be so much more difficult in a marriage where that is only carried out in one direction. At the very least, seek God's wisdom and guidance, and there still may be a way you can honor your husband though he is unwilling to reciprocate.

Are there any other ways you can think of that wives can honor their husbands? I'd especially love to hear from anyone in the one-way crowd, suggestions for how to be an honoring wife despite having a dishonoring or unwilling to lead husband? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

decorating on a budget

Told you the pretties would be back soon :)

It has taken me nearly the entire six years of living in our home to get it to the point I consider perfectly represents my style/vision. I was far from unhappy leading up to this point! No, I've enjoyed every stage my home has been in. And at each point in time, I loved the look. But as I've matured - I turned the big 3-0 last year! - so has my style, and I can truly say my home is my definition of perfection.

You have to remember back to where we started as newlyweds: no money. None. We used furniture we each brought to the marriage - his from days of living on his own as a bachelor, and mine from my parents' house, mainly items I inherited from my grandparents - and we arranged what we had to best suit our desires. Over time, we used thrift store finds and (sometimes wasted money on) cheap big-box store items. 

Today our home is a mixture of family pieces, thrift store finds, handmade items, and the occasional new purchase. I say all this to encourage you that if you are starting out on this homemaking journey, and have no funds, don't fret! I'll share some tips on how to achieve the look you long for anyway.

You have a birthday every year, and Christmas comes every year, too. Share with those close to you your desire to decorate your home beautifully. If they're open to it, direct them to your Pinterest boards. You will likely get some duds, but you will also likely get some gems (or giftcards, so you can purchase your own gems). I found a gorgeous pair of Ethan Allen wingback chairs at Goodwill for $40/each, and asked my mom to get them for me for my birthday. Though $80 is an incredible price for them, I still didn't feel we could spend that much money on chairs. Mom to the rescue! Also, if you and your spouse or roommate exchange Christmas gifts, you could maybe agree to forego them one year in favor of pooling your money for home décor items.

Make secondhand your jam. If you have an eclectic style, or desire a true "farmhouse" type look, why would you want brand spanking new anyway? Old pieces have character; previously owned pieces hold so many stories; and owning something unlikely to be replicated makes for a more unique look. Our media cabinet (the third one we've owned and it will definitely be our last) used to belong to a friend who buys and sells antiques. I told her that if she ever wanted to get rid of it, to please let me know. She did. We bought it for $35, it's gorgeous and is the statement piece in our living room, and it hides the TV! 

When you can't buy, DIY. Obviously there are varying levels of skill needed depending on what you want to make, but at least consider this option. For Christmas one year I asked Jake to make me a farmhouse dining table, and drew him some ideas of how I wanted it to look. For less than $100 he made it happen. People ask us all the time where we bought it - and, by the way, we have zero fancy tools and he will tell you he's not at all skilled. Nearly anyone can do this. With some of the leftover wood, we made a coffee table (not matching - that's too expected for my style!). As I've mentioned before, we also have a beautiful pie safe that Jake's great grandpa made. He was a very skilled woodworker, so if you do have the talent and the necessary tools, try making some more intricate pieces. My brother has made some beautiful furniture, based off of items he and his wife saw and liked in stores like Restoration Hardware.

Pinterest! So maybe this one should have come first. Because ultimately, to save money decorating, you must know what you like. Make boards for the different rooms of your home, and one board entitled "mood". I have a "mood" board, and that's where I pin the looks that I love, but I just can't figure out what exactly it is that I love about them. Then go back through your boards and see if there is a recurring theme, or colors, or arrangements. I discovered that I love (what I think of as) a French-type look with lots of white, open, airy spaces, with a few beautiful antiques taking center stage. I love making the hardworking pieces beautiful, and really using my beautiful pieces. I inherited a gorgeous, ornate bedroom suite from my grandparents, and a few years ago I lent the headboard to my parents because I wanted Jake to make me a farmhouse style headboard, so the room wouldn't be too matchy matchy. Well, just recently we put our original headboard back on, and because of the abundance of white and linen in the space, the matching doesn't bother me at all. Our bedroom is exactly the "mood" I've been pinning all along.

Shop your home. Periodically, I think it's fun to go through all my rooms and "shop" for one particular area I'm focusing on. Before we got our beautiful media armoire, I tried using our nightstands, what is now the toy dresser, and baby's small Ikea dressers, all as TV stands. I really liked each option for different reasons. Remember that you own your stuff, and not the other way around, so you can use whatever you want wherever you want to achieve the look you're going for.

I hope these ideas have at least given you a starting off point for your quest to decorate your home on a budget. Just give it time. I wish I had lived in our space a little longer before I started purchasing/asking for random items just to fill a space. But hey - my decorating rejects are now sitting at the local Goodwill, and I know they will fit someone's taste! Enjoy this journey. Make your home your own personal work of art.

...let's talk about mental health.

Ok, so I know I've posted about some heady stuff lately, and here's another one; I promise we'll get back to the pretties soon! I just felt the need to address mental health here on the blog because it plays a big role in my life, therefore impacting much of what I do in my home, and I figured maybe it impacts you too.

First of all let me say that mental illness is never the fault of the person who deals with it. It's simply your brain's chemical makeup. Since a lot of mental illness has a genetic component, there is nothing you can do to prevent your propensity for mental illness.

That being said, there are things you can do to help you (and those around you) deal with it. 

Personally, mental illness runs in my family, likely on both sides. The main problem I struggle with is OCD. Thankfully mine is not bad at all; under normal circumstances I deal with it by trying to keep my stress level down and participating healthily in life - taking care of myself, spending time with ones I love, etc.

But as I mentioned a couple of posts back, this year I've dealt with more health problems than I have in a long time. That's incredibly stressful. Especially since I have OCD. The stereotype is of course that people with OCD are organized to a fault. Although that stereotype is frustrating for me - since living with OCD is much more difficult than needing to have my books in alphabetical order - in my case it is true. I tend to be a perfectionist. Being the primary homemaker plus being sick all the time do not make for a perfectly run anything. Which stresses me out. Which makes my OCD (an anxiety disorder) come more to the surface.

I won't go into details on the internet about specifically what I deal with. I will say that I have a family member who is virtually a non-functioning member of society due to OCD. I am far from that, mercifully. But since stress also adds to physical ailments, when my stress levels are high, it's time to get help.

I see a psychiatrist roughly every three months, depending on how I'm doing on my medications. And I go to therapy once a month. This is nothing to be ashamed of. So why do I feel so vulnerable typing that out?

I want to live in a world where I'm not embarrassed to tell people that I'm going to a psychiatric clinic, instead of my currently vague description of "I have a doctor's appointment". So I thought this blog was as good a platform as any to begin the discussion.

Go ahead and ask any questions you want, make any comments you want (as long as they are respectful!), and let's get to talking about this. 

creating your own in-depth Bible study

I've been working on something for awhile, inspired by some recent political events, that I thought would be interesting to share on the blog. Because I'm not nearly done - and it's honestly felt so empowering to go through the process - today I want to share with you how you can go about creating your own study of the same sort.

What I wanted to focus on for my study were the specific commands out of the mouth of Jesus as recorded in the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John). I've also jotted down the idea for the future to do a study on ways the early church lived the Christian life. You can choose whatever topic you want to learn more about.

Mine was pretty easy: I looked in my NASB study Bible (I could do a whole other post on why I like the NASB, but just use whatever translation you are comfortable with), opened up to Matthew, and wrote down every single statement Jesus made that was in the form of a command, all the way through the end of John. This part would be even easier if your Bible has Jesus's words in red!

Next, I looked at my long list, and marked out what was very obviously not directed to me. Please note, I wanted to be careful not to make assumptions that His commands weren't for me; so the only things I marked out were commands He made that could only apply to a specific person/time period (think "get behind Me, Satan" - I'm obviously not Satan).

Now I was left with my list of all Jesus's commands that could apply to me. I opened up a Word document and began listing the commands. If there was any ambiguity whatsoever, I sought further explanation from commentaries. I found a website where I could type in a verse, and it would pull up multiple commentaries all on one page. So I read through those, and picked and chose which descriptions made the most sense to me and/or were easiest to make applicable to my life. I copied and pasted those explanations beside the verse or passage to which they applied. I'm currently still on this step.

My goal is to end up with a comprehensive list of every command Jesus made that believers should be following - even the ones that we tend to think aren't for us, but maybe they possibly could be. Personally, I want to basically be able to "grade" myself on how I'm doing in these areas. Maybe my list could be a tool for others to see how well they're doing? I don't know. It's just a project I really felt led to undertake, and I'm enjoying/being challenged by it so much that it was worth sharing with you. I'll probably do some sort of blog series on my study when I'm done with it.

Please, please don't hear this as me saying none of us measure up and we need to berate ourselves for it! I'm using the tool to personally determine whether or not my life actually looks like it's trying to emulate the life of Christ, which is what it's supposed to do if I'm truly His follower. Think about it this way: we know from every story we've read of His ministry that Jesus spent more time with sinners than with religious leaders (it's the sick who need a doctor, not the well). Do I spend more time with sinners than with religious leaders? It's easy for us to say we know that about Jesus and think it's great; it's another thing entirely to model our lives after it.

So what do you think? Have you ever embarked on this type of study? Does something like that interest you? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

on living with a chronic illness

Sorry to be a downer...but I do want to give a better idea of why I need to "lazy genius" things sometimes. I will give the disclaimer that I recognize I have it so much better than many, many other people. I neither seek nor deserve sympathy; just want you to see what life can be like sometimes.

I have what's known as Meniere's disease, which basically means that my inner ear retains too much fluid, leading to vertigo and hearing loss. Meniere's is hereditary, but from what I understand, it sort of lays dormant until/unless something brings it to the surface. Mine was brought on by the stress caused during our first foster care placement of two violent, aggressive brothers with special needs. As a side note/additional detail, I don't have health insurance (a whole other story! maybe I'll share in another post), so that's another factor for our family.

When I "get sick", that means that the room feels like it's spinning and because of that dizziness I throw up. If you've ever seen a movie or TV show of people walking through a fun house, and the camera goes all wonky, it's sort of like that. Or sometimes worse. An episode lasts anywhere from 20 minutes to 2 hours, after which I am exhausted and need to sleep for at least a few hours.

So far, God has been gracious in His protection of me. Episodes usually come on slowly (over the course of 5-10 minutes), but occasionally they come out of nowhere. Only once has it happened while I was driving, and I was miraculously in a small downtown right by a parking lot, so I was able to see well enough to pull into the lot, put on my flashers, put the car in park, and wait it out. Only once has it happened at my (very) part-time job, and it was while I was sitting at a desk (versus waiting on a customer), and was able to stumble back to the bathroom. Only once has it happened at church, and I was in nursery, with a friend and another adult, so my friend was able to help me to the bathroom without leaving the kids alone. Many, many times it has happened at home, and only once when my husband wasn't there (but baby was, and he knew enough to help me to the bathroom then call Jake).

Baby asked me the other day, in tears, if I would ever get better. I told him we can absolutely pray for that, and God will absolutely answer that prayer, whether here on earth or when I get to heaven. I am not dying from this (though in the middle of an episode I may wish for that!); I am mostly a stay-at-home mom; Jake works half of the time from home; baby is old enough to take care of himself and even help me; it's really mostly an inconvenience.

So far this year, I've probably had on average 3 episodes per month. That's so easy to handle, y'all. Even though it's miserable and I'm on a ton of medicine (some combinations of which make my heart race) and I'm so beyond tired of being sick...it's not the c-word. And I have an amazing life.

The routines I have, baby's chore list, and my lazy genius homeschool method all make things run smoothly even when I'm out of commission. Baby can even make his own basic noodle and cheese lunch, and Jake is so generous to cook meals when I ask him to.

Maybe your health is excellent - and I pray it is! - or maybe someone in your family suffers from a chronic illness, whatever it may be (even mental illness, can I get an amen?), but I promise you, implementing the little routines and efficiency tips I talk about on this blog are about so much more than living a beautiful life. This world can be harsh, and our lives difficult, and infusing beauty makes it all a little more enjoyable. But sometimes these ways of living are necessary, and if/when that becomes the case for your family, I want you and your family to be equipped to not only manage, but thrive, even in the midst of your chaos.

Do you or someone you love have a chronic illness? As I'm only about two and a half years into this, I'd love to hear more ideas for how to handle it. Share what you know - or any questions you have - in the comments below!

"lazy genius"-ing classical education at home (with lots of links!)

Y'all, I am basically at heart a pretty lazy person. I work hard at my routines and schedules to make life easier for myself overall - less decision fatigue, less last-minute rushing, etc. I do prefer the term "efficient" because it makes me sound smarter, but there, I've let you in on my secret.

There is a blog or something out there called Lazy Genius, and I think this phrase sums up how I take on projects and life in general. So today I'll show you how I apply that to homeschooling. (skip to the last paragraph to get the basic idea)

We are members of a classical, Christian community of home educators called Classical Conversations ("CC"). I love the concept of classical education - which, in a very basic nutshell, is teaching to the child's developmental level, beginning with memorization, then learning about what they've memorized, then using and explaining what they've learned - and that it incorporates beautiful, virtuous subjects, such as classical music, great artists, rich history, and so much more. I also employ some Charlotte Mason techniques. I want baby to have a full, vibrant, rich education, without it being too much work on my part.

So what exactly does that look like for us?

We begin our day with a read aloud at breakfast. I found several of mine and my brother's chapter books from probably middle and early high school, so right now we are working our way through those (what you already have on hand = free!). Jake is usually still with us at this time of day, so he listens in, and as he finishes eating he leads us in a short family devotional time (currently using this great, easy, quick, thorough book).

Then baby and I will sing a hymn. Every month we begin a new one, and each week we add another verse, so that we begin with learning the first verse and end the month having learned the entire hymn. We actually don't even really sing hymns at our church, but the language and music is so beautiful, and the words so meaningful, that it's important to me that he learn them. For fine arts,
we lightly study one composer and one artist at a time, basically having music and art in the background of our day. Piano practice also counts as fine arts. And we do one art lesson per week from Art Is Fundamental - so very helpful for me, the non-artist in the family.

For math we use Saxon, which I know some find to be dry, but the teacher book literally tells me every word I need to say. If it's a concept I know he already knows, I'll skip the teaching part and just give him the drill sheet and worksheet and call it a day.

For language arts, I use a free downloadable curriculum from The Good and the Beautiful and I'll be honest, it feels like a lot. So sometimes we skip it :) Or I pick and choose what I personally want to learn and just teach him that. I have and LOVE the Moore-McGuffey readers. The first one roughly corresponds to 1st and 2nd grades, and the second one to 3rd-5th grades. These contain short stories that usually contain some sort of moral lesson. Baby likes the length, I like the beautiful language, and bada bing bada boom, reading is done. Our language arts curriculum also encourages poetry memorization so sometimes we work on that. Spelling Plus is the spelling curriculum I use, in addition to reviewing sight words included in our language arts curriculum. And lastly, for penmanship, we use a combination of resources from Simply Charlotte Mason and Classical Conversations.

For history I use documentaries or read from Story of the World or Mystery of History and for science we use documentaries, all corresponding to what we are learning in our weekly CC community meeting. For geography I have baby trace a particular map outline for several weeks, then add in boundary lines within the outline and trace that map for several weeks, then spend several weeks practicing drawing the map free hand and labeling it. Geography is only once per week. Also once a week he practices a typing lesson purchased from The Good and the Beautiful, and PE/health.

Now for the "lazy genius" part: sometimes I just do the bare minimum - review our CC memory work and show a few documentaries. At the end of each week, I prepare for the next week by putting all of the independent work he will have for a particular day into one sheet protector. I have sheet protectors labeled for each day of the week, and have them all on one of metal those opening loop thingies (you could maybe use a keychain?). On hard (for me) days, I'll hand baby the day's work, tell him to practice piano for 20 minutes and pick a chore to do, and that's it. We can always go back and review if needed. I'm not going to ruin him. It'll be ok.

Are you a lazy genius? Have any tips for making homeschooling easier? How was your summer??